Kids: A Change in the Ordinary

When we jumped feet first into parenting, we knew things were about to change. We looked forward to a "little bundle of joy" that would have basic needs that had to be met. We knew about the diaper changes, the frequent feedings, and a mother-load of unnecessary but necessary baby items. We were secretly excited about raising kids that looked like us, the return of fruity pebbles cereal, and Saturday morning cartoons. But along with kids came a few changes we never saw coming.

-ONE-You know the garbage man's schedule. 
Yes, we know his schedule (Monday's at 2:40.) We secretly stalk him every week. We know which side of the road he drives up first (the left) and how soon it is until he comes back down the other side (12 mins. and 45 seconds.) We greet him on the front porch and stare at him through the windows. He's like a family member, really. Unfortunately, he doesn't even know he's part of the family.

-TWO-You learn what kid-friendly really means.
Pre-kids we enjoyed dinner out on occasion. We were open to anything. Now, we dread dinner out. Oh, you want to go out to eat? How about just come to our house? How about just shoot me and leave me for dead? Really, dinner anywhere with kids becomes a nightmare. I don't care where it is. Kid-friendly doesn't mean it has a menu catered to kids and a play-gym-thingy. Kid-friendly really means that the place is loud and busy enough that you won't notice my kid melting down and having a temper tantrum because the french fries touched his ketchup. It means that dinner is served in under 10 minutes of placing an order. It means that we blend into the crowd and go unnoticed. And if that means that we give the Bird our phone, a marker to color with, a book of matches, or a fork to play with... don't judge... then we do it. And, we're not above bribery.

-THREE-You hate checking out at the grocery market.
Who doesn't love checking out and grabbing a Pepsi and a Snickers? Me and all the other moms, that's who!! I dread the check-out aisle. Its horrible. It means my life is about to get real complicated. You want that? That's fine. Just stop talking and stand here. No you can't have both. No, I don't want any. Just stop. You already picked out something. Just put it back. Put it back. 

-FOUR-You know how to work a store.
I avoid candy, toys, and stickers at all costs. I avoid these because they will evoke a melt down. I enter the store from the opposite end and purposefully choose my route. I steer away from toys and refer to all of them as "too expensive," but allow the Bird to choose any item from the dollar section because "I'm the best." Yes, it may sound manipulative, but I'm a mom and that's how I roll.

-FIVE- 12pm-3pm: You're busy.
I knew that when we had kids nap-time would be an opportunity for me and Mr.B+B to get some much needed alone time away from the kids. It would be our opportunity to get whatever else we needed done for the day kid-free. Maybe fold laundry, do dishes, wash the car. Between 12pm and 3pm is nap time. And who takes a nap? We do. The parents. Every. single. weekend. It's really our staple for our sanity. Just ask our friends... we don't answer the phone or do anything for those three glorious hours. When we get birthday party invites or offers for lunch dates, we check the schedule... It's at 1pm?... oh we're busy. Sleeping.